I know, I know.
Ashamedly, I'm one of those who's kept the likes of The Bachelor, Toddlers and Tiaras, and even (gulp) Jersey Shore in business.
I'm aware. I should know better. But there's something infinitely fascinating to me about how people live their lives--what they'll say without a script, what they'll do without direction.
Besides...my life is far from entertaining. I might as well tune in to view what transpires in someone else's...say someone who huffs gasoline hourly or dresses like an adult baby (My Strange Addiction, anyone??).
Enter TLC and their four-part series provocatively titled My 600-lb Life.
It follows four morbidly obese patients over seven years as they undergo gastric bypass surgery and subsequent skin removal surgeries, as well as fend off enabling family members and the ever-present allure of unhealthy food. Each patient tips the scales at at least 600 lbs., making the surgeries highly risky...yet, in some cases, highly necessary for better chances of long-term survival and improved quality of life.
Meet Melissa before...
Her episode was, by far, the most captivating to me. She began her journey at a whopping 650 lbs. and lost nearly 500 lbs. throughout the course of her treatment. She battled cruel jokes, a miscarriage, and her husband's infidelity along the way, but her persistence, positivity, and perpetual honesty portrayed her as one of the most successful (and likeable) participants in the series.
If you want (and have the time), I'm including her story from YouTube, but even if you don't watch the whole thing (it's quite long), I do ask that you watch from 51:06 to 52:38, so that you can see one of the things that stuck out most to me.
It was how she was walking.
At this point in her story, she had dropped a considerable amount of numbers on the scale--at least 300 lbs., I believe.
Her weight had changed. The fit of her clothing had changed. The way she looked had changed.
But she was walking as though there had been no change.
Her husband and doctor mime the swinging-arm motion she refused to relinquish because she still felt like she was over 600 lbs.
Melissa had taken a number of "right steps"--entrusting herself to a qualified doctor, securing a support system, changing what she put into her body.
But she wasn't going to get and stay better until she committed to walking differently.
Drastic changes can leave our minds and our behaviors feeling like they have to play "catch up." For instance, how many times have I had to render an "S" into a "C" when I've begun to automatically sign my maiden name since getting married? Flubbed my new zip code? Dialed an old phone number?
It's plain and simple, really: old habits die hard. Our minds become, in a sense, programmed to do things one way, and having to make any sort of alteration can require intense concentration and effort to avoid relapsing into the former way of doing things.
But when it's a welcome change, shouldn't it be easier to break those habits? I know it took me a LOT less time to get out of the studying habit once I graduated college and passed the NCLEX than it did to adjust to sleeping during the day when I began working night shift.
Melissa's considerable weight loss was a change that excited and thrilled her. So why was it so hard for her to stop her old way of doing things, especially when it put her health at serious risk?
I could ask myself that same question--spiritually speaking.
Becoming a follower of Christ at the age of six was, by far, the most drastic change that has ever taken place in my life. It changed everything about me--my purpose here, my goals, my future. Like Melissa, I have taken some "right steps"--placing myself in the Hands of a capable Healer, surrounding myself with supportive believers and church families, changing what sorts of things I put into my mind.
But I don't always walk like I'm different.
He loved me...but I can be slow to love others.
He accepted me...but I am quick to judge.
He forgave me...but I hold steadfastly to a grudge.
He saved me...but I often live like He hasn't.
I gossip and lash out in anger. I often don't think before I speak. I join in unkind talk when I'm surrounded by it. I'm the first to complain when things don't go as I had hoped.
I'm swinging my arms like I'm the same person I was before He got to me...and it's ruining who I could be.
One of the hardest parts of being a follower of Christ is having to learn to stop having one foot in both worlds. We tend to be "Christians" in church and when it's convenient and admirable to be, but we may be no different when we're surrounded by the stuff we (supposedly) left behind to be His.
I baffle myself, though, because being His is a welcome change. He's even outlined how to "walk" like I should:
"You took off your former way of life, the old man that is corrupted by deceitful desires;
you are being renewed in the spirit of your minds;
you put on the new man, the one created according to God's likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth...
...All bitterness, anger and wrath, insult and slander must be removed from you, along with all wickedness.
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ." (Ephesians 4:22-24, 31-32)
A long time ago, the "weight" of my sin was removed by a wonderful Healer. He has cared for me and given me everything I need to live an unencumbered life. He's shown me how to move, how to be.
Now it's up to me to walk like that weight is gone.
Here we go.
One step at a time...
"Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children. And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God." ~ Ephesians 5:1-2
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