Dancing with the Green-Eyed Monster

Waaah, Waaah. Look at you. If Charlie Brown had a twin, it would be you, wouldn't it? A sad sack with a black raincloud that follows you step by step. Things just can't go right. And that darn football keeps moving right before you can kick it.
And, of course, you're the only one who ever has bad things happen. Bad things never happen to other people. Just you.

Yep. Because you're still single.

Or unemployed.

Or stuck in an apartment.

Or childless.

All of the above, perhaps?

And while the thick drops of rain muss your hair with hurricane-like gales, you see that the sun has chosen to peek through--not at you--but on the opposite grassy green side of the fence.

Yes, you can see it clearly now. The brilliant sunshine radiates its comforting warmth on your neighbor. They're practically glowing.

And...what is that? Is that a halo glistening in the light atop her angelic head?

"GIVE ME A BREAK," you wail. "I want what she has. I'm. So. Jealous."

Completely, unabashedly jealous. In fact, the Green-Eyed Monster has gripped your back with its greedy claws and joyfully rides piggyback wherever you go. It's stuck to you. You can't rid yourself of it.

Jealousy is one of the easiest evils to latch onto. What makes it so easy? Why, because we're constantly trying to make each other jealous.

Oh, come on. I know you've done it. Brag about your fabulously extravagant vacation in Europe. Boast about your fantastic wedding that cost way more than everyone else's. Go on and on about how you didn't even try and--WHOOPS!--pregnant with a perfect 40-week pregnancy and a healthy newborn to boot. You flash your clothes or your cars or your homes or your relationships.

We do it because it makes us feel better. And because it makes everyone else feel lousy.

It's terrible, but we do it anyway--although we'd never actually cop to doing all of this bragging on purpose. Because that would be wrong.

*insert dramatic eye roll and heavy sigh*

I don't know about you, but jealousy can be a real struggle for me. But what's so wrong with wanting what other people have? It's not like I'm going to go to drastic lengths or steal someone's stuff because they have something that I don't. I'm not going to ruin someone's life over my jealousy.

Hmm. Maybe not. But you'll ruin yours.

I'll give you an example. As I've mentioned many times, one of the hardest things for me since losing Eli and Sarah has been merely having to be in the same room as someone who is pregnant, especially if her due date was near either of mine. One girl in particular was announcing her pregnancy just as we had lost Sarah; it was her first pregnancy--a successful one, at that--with little-to-no trying. Week after week, I have had to sit and watch her grow, knowing that I would have been a mere 10 days ahead of her. My heart brims with sadness, anger, but perhaps most of all, jealousy. I don't know why her pregnancy worked and mine didn't. I don't know why hers was so easy and my attempts at having a child have been so hard. Because I feel it's unfair, I resent her for experiencing this happy time.

But, that's not right. The Bible doesn't say, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's things...unless it's something you really, really want." And it doesn't say, "Love thy neighbor as thyself...unless the neighbor keeps getting everything you want." Nope. We are supposed to do the right thing, no matter how we feel.

But why?! Why do I have to do the right thing when I simply don't feel like it?

Jealousy attacks you more than anyone else. It consumes your thoughts. It can drive you to stop at nothing until your life or your possessions are somehow "equal" to your neighbor's. It makes you ugly. It makes you vicious. It makes you, well, a monster.

You learn to scowl. To frown. To accuse. To want and want and want until you can't want anymore. You forget to see others because somehow, the world has become a mirror that only reflects you and your desires.

When I have to sit and stare at a pregnant belly, I can feel the envy swallowing my body whole. I'm not proud of it. But when I am not actively surrendering those thoughts and feelings to the Lord, Satan uses them as a launching pad to distract me from all of the positive things I could be learning through this difficult time. God can't be glorified if I'm too busy dancing with the Green-Eyed Monster at my pity party.

Yes, I know. It's hard. It's so hard not to be jealous when it's something you desire or have worked toward wholeheartedly.

But instead of thinking about what you don't have, think about what you do. Because I'll bet the latter has more substance than the former.

Okay, here goes. I have a wonderful, loving, Christian husband, a great job that I love, a home, a family that cares about me, two dogs that light up my life, two working arms and two working legs, lungs that breathe, a heart that beats....

And you know what? If nothing comes to mind, be thankful for this: Jesus gave his life because of the stupid things you do. So that you could live. He gave it all. Everything. Nothing was withheld.

Think about it. Does he really owe you anything?

But good grief, Charlie Brown wannabe! Make a wallflower out of the Green-Eyed Monster. Quit dancing with him and let Jesus take the lead. From here on out, tell that monster that you're not interested anymore.

And let him know that your dance card is full.

"Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long." ~Psalm 25:4-5