Xanthophobia: fear of the color yellow or the word yellow
Lachanophobia: fear of vegetables
Kathisophobia: fear of sitting down
Psellismophobia: fear of stuttering (I think this one is downright mean)
Ablutophobia: fear of washing or bathing
Bromidrosiphobia: fear of body smells (I'm guessing these guys can't be friends with the ablutophobics...)
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia: fear of the number 666
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia: fear of long words (my, my, someone has a sense of humor)
Phobophobia: fear of phobias
I can't make this stuff up. Really.
When I was younger, I was watching an episode of Maury Povich (pretend you didn't hear that), and a woman was being interviewed about her fear of tin foil. Halfway through her talk with Maury, a stagehand ran onstage with a sheet of tin foil and chased her up into the audience. It was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen.
Sure, we can laugh about "silly" fears like those. I'm sure these phobias all stem from some sort of past harrowing situation, but when you take it at face value, you think, "People are really afraid of getting peanut butter stuck to the roofs of their mouths? That's. Messed. Up."
When I was a kid, I was afraid of the normal stuff. Thunderstorms. Snakes. Spiders. The dark. My rocking chair.
What? You mean you weren't scared of your rocking chair?
Okay, okay. I had a nightmare one time that my rocking chair came to life and tried to come and get me. After that, I kept a close eye on it. I was sure it was moving closer and closer every evening.
I swear I was a very normal child.
But let's throw out some other fears here, shall we?
Eremophobia: fear of loneliness.
Carcinophobia: fear of cancer.
Algophobia: fear of pain.
Necrophobia: fear of death.
Not so funny, now. These are pretty common. And you know what? I'll bet most of the phobias out there boil down to a fear of pain or death (although I'm not sure what the color yellow could ever do to you. But I digress...).
We don't see these fears as being abnormal. We should be afraid of these things. They're truly scary.
Right?
I'll admit, right now I'm developing a phobia of the prenatal vitamins in my medicine cabinet. They're there, waiting for me to start taking them again. To provide a daily reminder that it hasn't happened yet. And that there's a chance it never will.
I fear it because I know that another miscarriage is a real possibility for me. And another loss means pain.
And death.
Everybody keeps asking us when we're going to start trying again. Dru and I have decided that we will keep it to ourselves when we do. But frankly, I have no earthly idea because I'm scared out of my mind.
Just like little girls fantasize about their dream weddings, as they get older, they start to think about having the perfect pregnancy: no real "trying," carry to term, cute little baby bump, and a healthy baby to take home.
Sigh. It just doesn't work that way sometimes. And I'll admit that I feel extra discouraged lately because I've had some friends confide in me about their recent struggles to get and/or stay pregnant. Misfortune feels rampant at the moment, just as I was starting to get the slightest spark of excitement at the thought of trying again.
I feel cheated. If we are blessed with another positive pregnancy test, it won't be as happy an experience as it could be. We don't think about saving for cribs or private schools or college. We think about saving for D&Cs, should I need one or two in the future.
I wish I could be ignorant; I wish I could think that two pink lines mean I'm getting a baby.
But as I sit here and put these thoughts into print, I see doubt woven in each sentence. I doubt that we'll get pregnant. I doubt that we'll stay pregnant. I doubt that we'll be parents.
Dare I say, perhaps these doubts reflect a doubt in...God?
Think about it. As I said earlier, most of our fears boil down to a fear of pain or death. If you are a believer, you simply can't fear these things.
Because your God is greater.
He is greater than any pain that can be inflicted on your body. He is greater than the loneliness you feel after a divorce. He is greater than any sickness.
He is greater than death.
He conquered death. It's over. It's finished. We don't have to fear it anymore.
So ask yourself: why do you still fear it?
Do you doubt Him? Do you doubt what He did for you on the cross? Do you doubt that He is King? That He is in control?
Only you can answer that.
Truthfully, friends, the only thing we should be absolutely terrified of is permanent separation from God. If you've given your life to Him, then your fears have no place here.
No place here.
In fact, they're just as ridiculous as being afraid of tin foil or peanut butter.
Suddenly, the prenatal vitamins in my medicine cabinet seem a little less menacing. There may be more losses in store for me. Maybe not. But I can't be afraid to try. I can't be afraid to try.
I can't be afraid.
I won't be afraid.
Sigh.
Bottoms up.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you." ~Psalm 56:3
No comments:
Post a Comment